Bird Flu - Archives
Humor
Bird Flu Humor from the Late Show with David Letterman
Top Ten Surprises In ABC's Bird Flu Movie (Presented By Britney Spears)
10. Thanks to sponsorship deal, flu is cured by delicious taste of Dr.
Pepper
9. Humans attacked by pigeons with tire irons
8. 20% of population comes down with less dangerous "bird hiccups"
7. Every time someone says, "chicken," all the characters chug a beer
6. Hilarious scene in which Leslie Nielsen confuses his Tamiflu with his
Viagra
5. Every single person in the world ends up at General Hospital
4. The big villain? Larry Bird
3. Sad conclusion in which Charlie Brown puts a bullet in Woodstock
2. Hilarious scene where the guy playing President Bush actually solves the
problem
1. Sole survivors Michael Jackson and Rosie O'Donnell are forced to
repopulate the earth
May 12th, 2006
More Bird Flu Humor
The Daily Show presents
Revenge of the Birds. And David Letterman's
opening monologue on Thursday night featured a string of bird flu jokes.
May 6th, 2006
Iran Develops a Bird Flu
Bomb?
Yes, according to
this report:
Iran today announced
successful testing of what it calls the world’s first bird flu-based weapons
system.
President Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, acknowledging that his nation’s campaign to develop nuclear
weapons has ruffled feathers internationally, said Iran would abandon nukes
in favor of bird flu bombs, which he claimed are just as effective and far
less expensive.
"Cheap, cheap,
cheap," said Ahmadinejad, who made the announcement with a brightly colored
parrot perched on his left shoulder. "You just take some avian flu — only
the finest H5N1 strain of course — swab it onto the tip of a missile and,
kablooey, a million dead infidels."
NB: The website is “John
Breneman’s ‘Fake News.’”
April 26th,
2006
Bird Flu
Humor - David Letterman Top Ten List
From the Late Show with David Letterman,
Top Ten Features Of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan:
10. Hang "Mission Accomplished" sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken
9. Torture some Perdue employees until they talk
8. Scare birds away with giant radioactive kitties
7. Be on the lookout for any bird which looks "fluey"
6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico
5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact -- like Letterman
4. Tax cuts for the rich
3. C'mon, it's a Bush plan -- you actually think there's ten items?
2. If you see a bird, run like you're being chased by a tiger
1. Hang on until 2009 when it becomes Hillary's headache
April
20th, 2006
The Best
Bird Flu Humor on the Internet – A Top Ten List
Bird flu
jokes are all over the internet. Here are my favorites, compiled in the form
of a Top Ten list.
10.
Big Bird Quarantined for
Avian Flu, at Humor Gazette, and
Tweety Dead of Bird Flu, at The Spoof.
9.
U.S.
PLANS TO MAKE BIRDS OBESE: Would Slow the Spread of Avian Flu, President
Asserts. An article in the Borowitz Report.
8.
The Bird Flu Shop is a
commercial enterprise marketing T-shirts, mugs, calendars, greeting cards,
etc, bearing dozens of different bird flu slogans. Most are pretty lame, in
my opinion, but several are gently comical: “Lunch Special – Pandemic
Chicken.”....continue
reading The Best Bird Flu Humor on the Internet.
November 17th, 2005
More Bird Flu Humor
The
Notes from the World of Wildlife Disease blog has links to more bird flu
jokes. Firstly, from the
Borowitz Report:
In a press
conference at the White House today, President George W. Bush announced an
ambitious plan to slow the potential spread of avian flu by making birds
obese.
“Birds spread the flu by flying,” the president told reporters. “So it
stands to reason that if birds are too fat to fly, they can’t spread the
flu.”
The president said that he personally developed the strategy for slowing the
spread of the deadly flu after realizing that “obesity is
America’s secret weapon in the battle for global health.”
And from
The Onion:
As experts
issue increasingly dire warnings of an avian flu epidemic, President Bush
signed an executive order Tuesday authorizing the mass slaughter of "all
bald eagles found anywhere within our borders."
November 4th,
2005
Private Eye
The latest
issue of
Private Eye magazine has just arrived, and it’s full of bird flu
jokes. You’ll have to buy it to see most of them, but here’s one that’s
online.
The cartoonist is Tony Husband, who has his own website
here.
November 1st, 2005
Who Wants
to See a Cute Movie about Chickens?
Disney is
sending out chicken dolls to promote its new animated feature “Chicken
Little,” which opens on Friday. But, with everyone talking about bird
flu and infected chickens, former Time magazine correspondent Chris
Taylor, at his
Daily
Blah blog, sees ironies:
There's
the one Disney would probably prefer we consider -- that we're all Chicken
Littles at the moment, running around screaming about a metaphorical sky
falling (or, more literally, that a terrible pandemic will drop on wings
from the sky).
But I prefer to savor the schadenfreude. Here's Disney hoping for a big
holiday hit to save its moribund animation division, kicking into gear a
marketing campaign that has been meticulously planned for years, ordering up
thousands of these bobble-headed bird dolls from factories in China.
And what happens? All of a sudden, bird becomes a dirty word. Chicken
becomes even dirtier. Chickens from Asia are practically obscene. It's the
worst possible timing for the marketers at Disney, and the fear is spread so
far and so worldwide there's nothing their campaign can do to combat it, not
even with a blank checkbook. Who the hell wants to see a cute movie about
chickens right now?
October 30th,
2005
Don’t Lick
Unfamiliar Pigeons
David
Letterman’s
Late Show last night presented the
Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips
for Avoiding the Bird Flu:
10.
"Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol"
9.
"Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons"
8.
"Frighten birds by constantly meowing"
7.
"Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird"
6.
"Anti-bacterial smoothies"
5.
"Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon"
4.
"Avoid birds that look like they're up to something"
3.
"Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking"
2.
"Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets"
1.
"If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets"
You can
find more bird flu humor at
The Onion, with
this headline from February: “Nation's
Leading Alarmists Excited about Bird Flu.”
October 28th, 2005
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