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Bird Flu - Archives

 
Humor
 

Bird Flu Humor from the Late Show with David Letterman
Top Ten Surprises In ABC's Bird Flu Movie (Presented By Britney Spears)

10. Thanks to sponsorship deal, flu is cured by delicious taste of Dr. Pepper

9. Humans attacked by pigeons with tire irons

8. 20% of population comes down with less dangerous "bird hiccups"

7. Every time someone says, "chicken," all the characters chug a beer

6. Hilarious scene in which Leslie Nielsen confuses his Tamiflu with his Viagra

5. Every single person in the world ends up at General Hospital

4. The big villain? Larry Bird

3. Sad conclusion in which Charlie Brown puts a bullet in Woodstock

2. Hilarious scene where the guy playing President Bush actually solves the problem

1. Sole survivors Michael Jackson and Rosie O'Donnell are forced to repopulate the earth
May 12th, 2006

 

More Bird Flu Humor
The Daily Show presents Revenge of the Birds. And David Letterman's opening monologue on Thursday night featured a string of bird flu jokes.
May 6th, 2006

 

Iran Develops a Bird Flu Bomb?

Yes, according to this report:

 

Iran today announced successful testing of what it calls the world’s first bird flu-based weapons system.

 

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, acknowledging that his nation’s campaign to develop nuclear weapons has ruffled feathers internationally, said Iran would abandon nukes in favor of bird flu bombs, which he claimed are just as effective and far less expensive.

 

"Cheap, cheap, cheap," said Ahmadinejad, who made the announcement with a brightly colored parrot perched on his left shoulder. "You just take some avian flu — only the finest H5N1 strain of course — swab it onto the tip of a missile and, kablooey, a million dead infidels."

 

NB: The website is “John Breneman’s ‘Fake News.’”

April 26th, 2006

 

Bird Flu Humor - David Letterman Top Ten List
From the Late Show with David Letterman,
Top Ten Features Of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan:

10. Hang "Mission Accomplished" sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken

9. Torture some Perdue employees until they talk

8. Scare birds away with giant radioactive kitties

7. Be on the lookout for any bird which looks "fluey"

6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico

5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact -- like Letterman

4. Tax cuts for the rich

3. C'mon, it's a Bush plan -- you actually think there's ten items?

2. If you see a bird, run like you're being chased by a tiger

1. Hang on until 2009 when it becomes Hillary's headache
April 20th, 2006

 

The Best Bird Flu Humor on the Internet – A Top Ten List

Bird flu jokes are all over the internet. Here are my favorites, compiled in the form of a Top Ten list.

 

10. Big Bird Quarantined for Avian Flu, at Humor Gazette, and Tweety Dead of Bird Flu, at The Spoof.

 

9. U.S. PLANS TO MAKE BIRDS OBESE: Would Slow the Spread of Avian Flu, President Asserts. An article in the Borowitz Report.

 

8. The Bird Flu Shop is a commercial enterprise marketing T-shirts, mugs, calendars, greeting cards, etc, bearing dozens of different bird flu slogans. Most are pretty lame, in my opinion, but several are gently comical: “Lunch Special – Pandemic Chicken.”....continue reading The Best Bird Flu Humor on the Internet.
November 17th, 2005


More Bird Flu Humor

The Notes from the World of Wildlife Disease blog has links to more bird flu jokes. Firstly, from the Borowitz Report:

 

In a press conference at the White House today, President George W. Bush announced an ambitious plan to slow the potential spread of avian flu by making birds obese.

“Birds spread the flu by flying,” the president told reporters. “So it stands to reason that if birds are too fat to fly, they can’t spread the flu.”

The president said that he personally developed the strategy for slowing the spread of the deadly flu after realizing that “obesity is
America’s secret weapon in the battle for global health.”

 

And from The Onion:

 

As experts issue increasingly dire warnings of an avian flu epidemic, President Bush signed an executive order Tuesday authorizing the mass slaughter of "all bald eagles found anywhere within our borders."

November 4th, 2005

 

Private Eye

The latest issue of Private Eye magazine has just arrived, and it’s full of bird flu jokes. You’ll have to buy it to see most of them, but here’s one that’s online.



The cartoonist is Tony Husband, who has his own website here.
November 1st, 2005

  

Who Wants to See a Cute Movie about Chickens?

Disney is sending out chicken dolls to promote its new animated feature “Chicken Little,” which opens on Friday. But, with everyone talking about bird flu and infected chickens, former Time magazine correspondent Chris Taylor, at his Daily Blah blog, sees ironies:

 

There's the one Disney would probably prefer we consider -- that we're all Chicken Littles at the moment, running around screaming about a metaphorical sky falling (or, more literally, that a terrible pandemic will drop on wings from the sky).

But I prefer to savor the schadenfreude. Here's Disney hoping for a big holiday hit to save its moribund animation division, kicking into gear a marketing campaign that has been meticulously planned for years, ordering up thousands of these bobble-headed bird dolls from factories in China.

And what happens? All of a sudden, bird becomes a dirty word. Chicken becomes even dirtier. Chickens from Asia are practically obscene. It's the worst possible timing for the marketers at Disney, and the fear is spread so far and so worldwide there's nothing their campaign can do to combat it, not even with a blank checkbook. Who the hell wants to see a cute movie about chickens right now?

October 30th, 2005

 

Don’t Lick Unfamiliar Pigeons

David Letterman’s Late Show last night presented the Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips for Avoiding the Bird Flu:

 

10. "Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol"

9. "Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons"

8. "Frighten birds by constantly meowing"

7. "Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird"

6. "Anti-bacterial smoothies"

5. "Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon"

4. "Avoid birds that look like they're up to something"

3. "Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking"

2. "Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets"

1. "If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets"


You can find more bird flu humor at The Onion, with this headline from February: “Nation's Leading Alarmists Excited about Bird Flu.”
October 28th, 2005